Jesus Drained!

What: Water starts seeping from feet of a Jesus statue inside a church in Irla (a locality in Mumbai). As the news of a "true miracle" spreads, some Hindi News channel thinks it would be good idea to take president of Indian Rationalist Society to the church for investigation and get some "exclusive bites" about this. The president investigates the source of water and tells the channel that the water is originating from a leaky drainage pipe from upper floor. Channel happily airs this interview. Next thing this poor chap know that he is slapped with a police case for "deliberately hurting religious feelings and attempting malicious acts intended to outrage the religious sentiments". Here is a report in Mumbai tabloid Mid-day. Thanks to Ashish Shakya for mentioning the incident in his today's column in Hindustan Times.

Why its here: hurting religious feelings? For what? Telling people that all the "miraculous water" they drank, was actually coming out of some loo?

Locked with a prostitute

This would be a plot for a superhit comedy if it was not a tragedy.

What: A railway officer staying in railway quarters in Parel, Mumbai is home alone as his wife has gone to her parent's place with kids. He decides best way to spend time is to bring a prostitute home. But the poor guy had no idea that his wife suspected him of having an affair behind his back. So wife goes home at 2:30 in the morning to catch him red-handed. Our hero panics after hearing door knocks and wife calling in the midst of his act. He doesn't open the door for her. The wife gets even angrier and locks the door from the outside and leaves.

What happened after is beyond wildest imagination. Our hero hangs a saree from his third floor window gets down the saree and tries opening the lock but doesn't succeed. Then he tells the prostitute to also come down the window using saree and go home. But the prostitute is not as athletic as he is. The woman slips from second floor and falls on the ground, suffering a lots of injuries. The hero calls watchman and shifts the lady to the society gate. Then tells watchman that he will go and get either taxi or ambulance. But he instead flees to Titwala (a Mumbai suburb with very famous Ganesha temple) to seek help from the divine lord. In the mean time watchman gets tired of waiting and calls police control room. The prostitute is then taken to hospital but dies of excessive bleeding due to this delay. From Titwala, hero goes to his in-law's house in Kurla to seek forgiveness from his wife. When he returns to his home by noon, he comes to know that Police are looking for him and then he surrenders to the police. Here is the original story in लोकसत्ता and here is a follow-up.


Why its here: Was our hero thinking of Guinness record for maximum number of stupid acts one can do in one night?

Infant Deaths

Didi is back:

What: There are several infant deaths in West Bengal. Our dear Chief Minister, didi, claims that Communists are to be blamed for these deaths as the babies who are taking birth now were conceived during the communist rule. Here is a report by the Sunday Indian.

Why its here: Seriously, I had never heard a logic thats more twisted.

PhD in Economics

One great source of amusement in Mumbai is our Mumbai University administration and its circles of power.

What: The research and recognition committee (RRC), department of economics, University of Mumbai achieves new depths in choosing external examiners for PhD theses. Here is a report in Marathi in today's Loksatta. Thesis of one candidate is sent to an examiner in JNU and university is waiting for the examiner's report for last 6 months. The catch? that particular JNU professor expired 1.5 years back. Another student wrote a thesis under economics department on the topic of "Business Cycle". The RRC chose an expert in "Transportation projects" as the external examiner, presumably because title had word "cycle" in it.

Why its here: The reason is obvious but its also just one example of how the university is working for last 15-20 years. I am sure there will be more examples in near future.

Sharad Rao

How can our great union leader Mr. Sharad Rao keep away from this list?

What: Mr. Sharad Rao wants autorickshaw fares hiked and rollback on the rule of compulsory electronic metres and has called for strike. Initial call was indefinite strike and as of today it is reduced to "one day symbolic strike", citing some alleged assurances from the government. Here is a brief report from Hindustan times.

Why its here: The news item is pretty bland. But some background in those demands will give the real picture. The union is asking for a 30% rise in auto fares. If agreed, it will make autos more expensive than most other transport, even for short distances, AC busses or even taxies will make more economic sense than those autos which are slower, more cramped and a way lot unsafe. Government should simply accept their demand and let them deal with the loss of business they will face as a result. Same is case with the electronic metres. The union tried to claim (and argued all the way till the supreme court) that new electronic metres are equally prone to tampering as the old mechanical metres and hence the additional expense on them is not justified. However, everytime they tried to give deomnstration of "successful tampering" of electronic metres in the court, they failed spectacularly. Yet they still want to stick to their demand, as the old metres give them distinct advantage in fleecing customers.

This Mr. Rao also controls municipal worker's union and bus transport union etc. Last many years, he has evovled a pattern of calling a strike for the most rediculous of demands. Courts have repriminded the unions several times, the ordinary union members have suffered due to his stubborness. But I guess the guy will never grow up. Where are the true followers of great union leaders of the past like comrade Dange, comrade Desai and comrade Randive?

Anarkali

The next one is a nice court case:

What: A latest bollywood song is being dragged in court for its lyrics. Here is a report by Hindustan Times. The lyrics roughly translate as "Anarkali goes to disco, abondoning Salim". Salim is the name of Mughal prince who later became Emporor Jahangir and ruled India. The story of Salim-Anarkali, is a romantic tale like Romeo-Juliet and has been immortalised in a few bollywood movies. The NGO filing the case claims that this amounts to "distortion of history and slander on historical personalities". This may amount to teaching "wrong history to childern".

Why its here: Most historians agree that there is no hard evidence proving authenticity of this romantic tale. Anarkali is most likely a fictional character. So there is no question of distorting history. But more than that, why would someone be upset about a light-hearted song about anything?

Kindergarten Failure

The next one is from my hometown Mumbai.

Just when you thought Right to Education (RTE) will at least ensure decent treatement to all youger kids, here comes a shocker.

What: A school from Tardeo, Mumbai fails three kids in Senior Kindergarten class (thats the class before class 1, for those not familar with Indian Education system). Here is the report in the tabloid Mumbai Mirror.

Why its here: The principal defends her move saying they conducted a comprehensive exam for SEVEN subjects (for Senior KG????) including written and oral exam (:-O) and when the kids failed they also took a re-exam. The kids apperantly failed in that too. The principal claims the kids are "retarded", don't get proper parental attention and in one case, one parent has psychological issues. Apparently, keeping them in the same class will help them build foundations properly. But then what about RTE which says no child should be failed from class 1 to 8? She has the answer ready, they are not in class 1 yet. So we have not done anything illegal.

Forget principal, who the hell made this lady a teacher in the first place? If the children are really mentally deficient, how would keeping them in same class in the ordinary school will help? Shouldn't they be immediately transferred to a special school?

The Cyber Crime

First is obviously the current hottest topic.

What: Ms. Mamta Banarjee, Chief Minister of West Bengal, threw a university professor in jain because he shared on facebook a cartoon about her recent sacking a minister from her own party. The news is carried by almost all news sites. But this one from The Telegraph in Kolkata is the most extensive.

Why its here: Indian Railway Minister who happened to be from her party (she is part of ruling coalition) presented a railway budget with fare hike. The prime minister who has been a career economist, praises it as a fair budget. But Didi (elder sister, as Ms. Banarjee is popularly known), does not like it and forces railway minister to resign. Her replacement nominee promptly roll backs the fare hike. Obviously there are thousands of jokes circulating on internet about the whole saga.

Now this poor professor, who happens to be opposition party sympathiser, forwards one such cartoon to a few people. Next thing he knew, there are Didi's goons at his doorstep beating him blue and forcing a "confesion" (that the cartoon is an opposition conspiracy) out of him. The police arrive at his home after midnight and promptly arrest him. The charges: "intent to insult the modesty of a woman through words and gesture, defamation and dissemination through computer of information that they knew was false but was meant to cause annoyance, inconvenience, criminal intimidation" under cyber crime act. WTF!!! Read the cartoon yourself and decide.

What this blog is all about?

India is a true wonderland. We have some of the best brains in the world. At the same time we have people who make truly bizzare headlines. We read them, we laugh about it and we forget it. This blog will try to archive the most bizzare news items coming out of India. Bizzare not in terms of natural coincidence but items which really show human stupidity.

We have IgNobel awards honouring "the research which cannot and should not be reproduced". USA has Stella awards honouring "opportunists vs. any available deep pocket" kind of cases within US justice system. Razzies honour "worst performances in Hollywood" and Golden Kela does the same for Bollywood. In the same vein, I am trying to celebrate "monumentary acheivements in human stupidity". After these archives, hopefully we can up with quarterly hall of fame, annual hall of fame etc.

If you come across equally bizzare news, you are welcome to send it to me. There are two conditions though. The source of news should be from India and e-link to a credible newspaper / other media is a must to establish authenticity.

Happy reading.

Aniket