The Fake Counselor

A warning for students / parents living in / near Dombivali:

There is a guy who claims to be a famous career counselor. he has copy-pasted information from net to create so called "encyclopedias of career". Has written columns in newspapers and has been counselling for last decade or more. But this guy has no clue about the things he talks about. He is a complete fraud.

I saw him at a programme this weekend in Thane where he was a co-speaker. The theme of the programme was "careers in research". Here are a few things he said in the speech based on this theme: "there are no jobs in India", "you can earn 56 times more money (i.e. USD to INR conversion rate) in USA than in India", "you can't learn anything about nanotechnology anywhere in India", "nano means 1 millionth of a metre", "IUCAA is doing excellent work in nanotechnology", "science students can be only servants, so if you want to do good career you should ONLY consider share market or politics". "No successful person ever needed graduation from college to be successful, so education is highly overrated". Every sentence was accompanied by an advertisement. e.g. "my book is available in this shop, this guy runs classes for this, that guy will charge you only this much for this information" and so on.

And I am not even talking about his other rantings which were completely off-topic. About politics (he is an interesting mixture with loyalties divided between RSS, Shiv Sena, NCP and Modi), idea that students should go away to western countries to realise dream of "Akhand Bharat", his claim that boys never make good career (only girls do) etc.

Did not confront him at the first venue as I was too shell-shocked. Tried giving him a fair warning at the second venue in private. However, he made a scene complaining about what right a co-speaker has to challenge him. Organisers tried telling him that he sticks to topic.But he kept his usual track on. So I confronted him during his speech twice publicly and told the students that this guy was misguiding them. He again threw tantrums about perceived "insult of speaker" and accused me of not understanding basis of "freedom of expression". Anyway, after that ugly showdown, organisers showed him the door and cut his name from the speaker list at the third venue.

Can't name him publicly for legal reasons. Contact privately if you need concrete info.

Minister, Minister go away!!!

What: Most of the India has had scarce rainfall this season so far and prospects for rest of the season are not very bright. A minister in the Indian state of Karnataka had a brilliant brainwave that he should order all temples in the state to conduct prayers and rituals (poojas) to please the rain gods. Here is the report in The Hindu.

Why its here: Spending Rs. 17 crore of public money on performing poojas to please rain gods? As the report says, this is not the first time the BJP government in Karnataka has indulged in wasting money on religious / superstitious causes. They have allotted funds to bring water of Ganges for special Pooja in every temple every year and there is a circular which orders temples to conduct daily Poojas for well being of Chief Minister and every time they change Chief Minister (and hence retake oath of the office), they do poojas in their respective ministries. Whats going on?

Give me your money!!!

What: If you have a lot of money to waste and are looking for ways, here are some methods. Thanks to Devdatta Bhise for sending me this link.

 

 Why its here: "Science of attracting money" is real. The person conducting this workshop is really attarcting money to himself. Although what happens to his student's money is different question altogether. One day workshop to "read coffee cup" and "crystal gazing" can be nicely achieved with right kind of beverages. Throw away the coffee in the cup and pick up the bottle, if you catch my drift. But I wonder why a bottle of soothing beverage should cost 8000 Rs. Some expensive variety perhaps?

Guwahati case through their eyes

All know what happened in Guwahati. A 17 year old girl went to pub with some friends. They had some arguments with pub owners and hence they left the pub. The voyeuristic mob outside stripped the girl and a news reporter caught the incident on camera. But thats already well known. It is actually a more enriching experience to see how the so called authorities and guardians of public morale see this incident. I had missed these bits. Thanks to Ashish Shakya's blog for bringing my attention to it.

What: See this story first. District Collector of Guwahati says: "We are planning to take action against the bar owners if they are not following the norms. The bars are supposed to be closed by 10 pm."

Then look at twitter feed of Dr. Kiran Bedi. She claims: "Pubs attract hooliganism and violence just as holy places attract peace and devotion! Its in the nature of environment!" and then "there is a big difference between vibes at both places! Pubs breed lust, holy places reduce it (ofcourse exceptions exist!)"

Why its here: Does the collector mean that if the said pub had closed at 10:00pm, all those part of the mob would have suddenly turned into saints? Or just that they would have considered the time before 10:00pm as inauspicious for any molestation? For Ms. Bedi, as Ashish Shakya rightly says, "I’m sure devdasis, altar boys and people in Ayodhya would agree."

Whats with these people? What is the real issue here and what are you talking about?

Khap Panchayat

Khap Panchayats have been functioning to fulfil an important role in India. Common people need their daily dose of comedy, news channels feel constant need for sensational news and Khap Panchayats provide these. A widely reported news from last week about a Khap Panchayat must have been seen by all. Here is a source for reference purpose.

What: Khap Panchayat in Baghpat, UP (incidentally Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav's constituency) issued a following "guideline" for women below 40 years of age:

• They should not wear jeans.
• They should not use mobile phones in public spaces including roads and by-lanes.
• They should not go for shopping unescorted.
• They should not go unescorted anywhere after sunset.
• No love marriages are allowed in the village.

Why its here: The diktat is obviously hilarious. Its aftermath is even more worrying. Apparently, when Police were forced to arrest some of the Khap members (after a lot of hue and cry in national media), villagers arranged a protest march against the arrest, disrupted traffic on a national highway, assaulted the police official investigating the case.They claim that it is not a diktat but a "guideline" for women as approved by all communities in the village.

Changing Times

What: Here is a story coming from Chennai. The US based weekly magazine "Time" called prime minister Manmohan Singh an underachiever. The youth wing of PM's congress party staged a protest against this branding in Chennai today.

Why its here: In the protest, they burned copies of "Times of India" newspaper, thinking the "Time Magazine" belongs to the same group. Apparently, the mediapersons present at the protest pointed this gaffe to them. But they wanted to burn something to make a show and could not get the original magazine copies. So they ignored the "new wisdom" imparted on them.

The Inversion!!

What: Senior Music director Hridaynath Mangeshkar received "Anil Mohile Memorial Life Time Achievement Award" yesterday. Here is a story in Lok Satta about the function.

 late Anil Mohile

Hridaynath Mangeshkar

Why its here: Two reasons. First, award in the name of Anil Mohile to Mangeshkar? Anil Mohile started his musical career later than Mangeshkar and I believe also assisted Mangeshkar in a couple of projects. It would be improper for Mohile Memorial Trust to offer the Award to Mangeshkar and it would be even more improper for Mangeshkar to accept it.

Secondly, Mangeshkar is known to put his foot in his mouth by indiscreet talk. In his acceptance speech, he said "I am getting award instituted in the name of the person, who should have got award instituted by my name". If he understood he was senior than Mohile, he should have politely declined the award. If not then he should kept his mouth shut and should not have embarrassed the organisers. And to top it off, self-proclaiming that there would be award by his name in future, is arrogance to the max.

Education for masses

What: It has been known to many people for many years. Many state level entrance examinations for engineering and medicinal courses do not set the minimum performance bars and allow candidates with ridiculously low scores to qualify. Here is a story from IBN-Live about EAMCAT, which is Andhra Pradesh state entrance examination for professional courses. It says 78 candidates getting zero marks in the test have been declared as eligible for taking admission. The story adds that some of them might have simply returned the paper blank. So essentially they qualified by just marking their attendance.

Why its here: This is an established monetary racket under the guise of "affirmative action". Several politicians and other educational mafia have built way too many engineering and medical colleges than there are interested candidates. When the seats in these colleges remain vacant, they don't get profits from their investment. As justifying low qualifying score for merit based admission would be difficult, they play this game of "no minimum qualifying score" for groups availing benefits of affirmative action.

IITian sperm

This news came in Hindustan Times in January. Just noticed the link again yesterday and thought I should not miss this gem.

What: A couple in Chennai had put an online advertisement seeking a sperm donor for artificial insemination for a compensation of Rs. 20,000. Thats not news. The preference criteria described in advert were somewhat unique. “should be an IIT student, healthy, no bad habits, tall and fair, if possible”. Being tall and fair depends on genetics, sperm doner being healthy also helps. But what is meant by "Should be an IIT student"? Read the original story here.


Why its here: As one IIT-M student rightly pointed out in that news report, "If they were right, Albert Einstein’s relatives should be the brightest of all in the world." Intelligence is mostly developed by the upbringing and not by the genetics. Where is our craze for a coveted seat in IIT taking us to? Are these adverts indicating direction of the next gold rush?

Is Science another religion?

Antariksh Bothale of the linguistrix blog, pointed this op-ed piece in The Hindu today. The author is a cardiologist, former faculty member of a medical school in UK and former vice chancellor of India's oldest (and probably one of the better) private universities.

What: Thats the fun. I read the article twice but I am still not able to get past all the negative opinions of the author and extract something which is positive.

• He says, science, in the way it is practice today, is a failed system. Fair enough. He is entitled to his opinion. 
• The supposed "checks and balances" within the system like peer-review process are compromised and manipulated, especially in the medical field. I would give him that. 
• He claims that various ancient cultures were treasure troves of wisdom we can still consider useful, including alternate systems of medicines. Fine. Even I trust Ayurvedic (Indian book of herbal medicine) cough syrups over modern chemical ones. But certainly, I don't want that "ancient wisdom" argument to extend to right-wing wet-dreams like "Vedic people knew how to build aeroplanes" and "Ayurveda has cure for HIV / cancer" and others like that. So tread bit carefully there.
• Then he goes on and on about how higher state spending in US does not necessarily translate in good healthcare ("Sicko" already tells us that), how modern medicines cannot take credit for increased life expectancy, how Nightingale and Semmelweiss simply used common sense to bring about drastic improvements in healthcare (in 19th Century mind you).
• At the end he selectively quotes cautionary notes of several scientists, which warn that science can have its problems.

Why its here: What is he trying to say? Science is bad, but then, at least according to him, what is good? For first part, I thought he is disgruntled about one of his "out of the box" paper was rejected by some medical journal referee. Then, for some part I thought he is like many science hot shots in India who start losing perspective on reality after a certain age and start drifting towards crazy theories. His last para, where he extensively quotes Dawkins and then calls it arrogant makes a possible case for supporting creationism. But funnily enough, he never tells us what is it he is in favour of.

Venus Transit

Blogging after a long break! There were a few mildly amusing items on the news in the intermediate period. However, I did not laugh on them as much. Not until Swapnil Jawkar pointed to this report in Times of India.

What: Some astrologer cum numerologist talks about astrological effects of the transit of Venus which happened on 6th June. Some quotes from her:

• "It has an impact as strong as any other eclipse (solar or lunar)." 
• "The phenomenon may have come to end today but the effect of the Transit of Venus will remain for the next six months to come."
• "Venus is associated with beauty ..... avoid going for beauty treatments."
• "There was a solar eclipse on 20 May 2012, a lunar eclipse on 4 June 2012 and now the transit of Venus on 6 June 2012. Such frequent eclipses may indicate a natural calamity in the coming times, perhaps very heavy rainfall or earthquake."

Why its here: Where do I start? Does the poor Venus know that some tiny animate objects (us) on another planet happen to see it passing over the disk of the Sun? Seriously, can such people be brought to the book under article 420?

The Economist!!

We have found root cause of all problems in Indian Economy. It seems we have been wasting time so many years formulating economic theories etc.


What: Here is a report in Hindustan Times. A Vaastu expert claims that the slide in the value of Rupee (with respect to USD), is caused by bad design of the new Rupee symbol (₹). He claims the second horizontal line symbolizes "slit throat" and is inauspicious for the rupee. Thanks Antariksh Bothale (writer of wonderful Linguistrix blog) for pointing this news item.


Why its here: Seriously! We should wind down all uesless things like economic advisory committee of GoI or institutes fretting over economic policy and simply appoint Vaastu or Feng Shui or Numerology or Astrology or "whatever is the latest stupid fad" experts to predict which direction our economy would go.

Everyone is a Maoist

Didi makes it here for third time.

What: Below is a weblink of a talk show on CNN-IBN news channel. Didi was asked some uncomfortable questions by the audience. Her response was to label all of them as CPM cadres and Maoists and walk off the show.

Mamta's new antics on CNN-IBN

Why its here: Do I have to really say it?

(Un)safe Garden

What: I happened to take my son to Kamla Nehru Park on Malabar Hill in Mumbai yesterday. Following video was captured there.

*There is no audio to this video.

Why its here: Clearly the ride is broken. The municipality has neither got time to fix it nor to barricade it. Children are still playing with it and it is clearly being used way above its prescribed capacity. There are parents standing nearby but they are not even bothered by this clearly unsafe ride.

Another Cartoon row

What is it with Indian political parties and cartoons? We have second cartoon row in a month.

What: This cartoon was first published by legendary cartoonist Shankar in 1949. It depicts newly independent India's impatience with drafting of constitution. Two identifiable figures in the cartoon are Dr. B. R. Ambedkar, noted legal expert and chair of constitution drafting committee and Pandit Nehru India's first prime minister. This cartoon was one of the many cartoons introduced in federal government prescribed high school political science textbooks. This was part of wider effort to make social sciences appear less boring to students. This week some political parties demanded that this cartoon should be removed from textbooks as it insults Dr. B. R. Ambedkar, who is elevated to nearly demigod status by his followers. HRD minister Kapil Sibbal promptly agreed with this claim, appologised to parliament and ordered withdrawal of the cartoon. Here is a story in The Hindu about the controversy.

Why its here: First of all, the textbook writers say (and I tend to agree) that in this cartoon the joke is on Nehru rather than Ambedkar. It shows that Ambedkar is making valient effort of jockeying the snail that the constitution drafting committee was turing out to be and at the same time keeping parliamentarians (who are agitated by the snail's pace) at bay. But still there no stopping for Nehru, who was known for impatience. How this cartoon derides Ambedkar is beyond me. Secondly, the cartoon has been part of the textbooks since 2005. Why this sudden flare up? Even more importantly, the cartoon was originally published in 1949, when both Nehru and Ambedkar were alive and very influencial. There is no record of either of them objecting to this cartoon either in public or in private. Both had great belief in freedom of expression and at least Nehru (I am not sure about Ambedkar) was a fan of Shankar's cartoons.

Cloud Computing

This is an one year old video of Mr. Deshbandu Gupta. This Mr. Gupta is some retired government officer and self-proclaimed anti-corruption crusader. In this video he is talking about "cloud" computing.

What: He basically says cloud computing is not safe as nobody knows what will happen to information stored in the cloud if there is heavy rain.

Why its here: It is the best nonsense I have heard in long long time.

Pseudo-Scientific Spirituality

On 3rd May Times of India published an article by some spiritual guru on its editorial page. Here is link to the full article. I am just reproducing some extracts which are quiet hilarious. After reading it I can understand why some of my friends have started calling it 'TOI'let paper. Thanks to Sreekrishna Varma Raja P. C. for bringing this to my notice.

What: Another aspect is, on poornima, the planet is in a certain position in relation to the moon. The vibration and feel of the moon is very different when it is full. And its magnetic pull is also different at that time. It is working upon the surface of the planet which is exposed to the moon. When there is such a natural pull, since your spine is vertical, there is a tendency for your energies to move upward. That means, blood and prana, the fundamental life energies, flow in a different way. Just as tides rise higher on that night because of the moon’s gravitational pull, your blood is also being pulled up and the circulation of blood increases in your brain.

This upsurge of energy enhances your qualities, whatever they may be. If you are mentally imbalanced, it will make you even more imbalanced.

Why its here: From Physics point of view, the entire first para is nonsense. There is nothing special about full moon position. It is same as any other phase of the moon. Secondly, the moon's magnetic field is practically zero as compared the earth. Thirdly, tidal forces on a human body are again negligible as compared to the gravitation field.

The analogy I like to give against all these pseudo-scientific arguments goes something like this: There is an elephant pushing a car from one side and an ant pushing the same car in exactly the opposite direction. So if you ask me "is there some force exerted by the ant?", I must answer "Yes". But more relevant question here would be "Does it matter?"

The second para is another medical myth which was common 30-40 years back but has been statistically disproven. Don't these people learn anything when they were in school?

Jesus Drained!

What: Water starts seeping from feet of a Jesus statue inside a church in Irla (a locality in Mumbai). As the news of a "true miracle" spreads, some Hindi News channel thinks it would be good idea to take president of Indian Rationalist Society to the church for investigation and get some "exclusive bites" about this. The president investigates the source of water and tells the channel that the water is originating from a leaky drainage pipe from upper floor. Channel happily airs this interview. Next thing this poor chap know that he is slapped with a police case for "deliberately hurting religious feelings and attempting malicious acts intended to outrage the religious sentiments". Here is a report in Mumbai tabloid Mid-day. Thanks to Ashish Shakya for mentioning the incident in his today's column in Hindustan Times.

Why its here: hurting religious feelings? For what? Telling people that all the "miraculous water" they drank, was actually coming out of some loo?

Locked with a prostitute

This would be a plot for a superhit comedy if it was not a tragedy.

What: A railway officer staying in railway quarters in Parel, Mumbai is home alone as his wife has gone to her parent's place with kids. He decides best way to spend time is to bring a prostitute home. But the poor guy had no idea that his wife suspected him of having an affair behind his back. So wife goes home at 2:30 in the morning to catch him red-handed. Our hero panics after hearing door knocks and wife calling in the midst of his act. He doesn't open the door for her. The wife gets even angrier and locks the door from the outside and leaves.

What happened after is beyond wildest imagination. Our hero hangs a saree from his third floor window gets down the saree and tries opening the lock but doesn't succeed. Then he tells the prostitute to also come down the window using saree and go home. But the prostitute is not as athletic as he is. The woman slips from second floor and falls on the ground, suffering a lots of injuries. The hero calls watchman and shifts the lady to the society gate. Then tells watchman that he will go and get either taxi or ambulance. But he instead flees to Titwala (a Mumbai suburb with very famous Ganesha temple) to seek help from the divine lord. In the mean time watchman gets tired of waiting and calls police control room. The prostitute is then taken to hospital but dies of excessive bleeding due to this delay. From Titwala, hero goes to his in-law's house in Kurla to seek forgiveness from his wife. When he returns to his home by noon, he comes to know that Police are looking for him and then he surrenders to the police. Here is the original story in लोकसत्ता and here is a follow-up.


Why its here: Was our hero thinking of Guinness record for maximum number of stupid acts one can do in one night?

Infant Deaths

Didi is back:

What: There are several infant deaths in West Bengal. Our dear Chief Minister, didi, claims that Communists are to be blamed for these deaths as the babies who are taking birth now were conceived during the communist rule. Here is a report by the Sunday Indian.

Why its here: Seriously, I had never heard a logic thats more twisted.

PhD in Economics

One great source of amusement in Mumbai is our Mumbai University administration and its circles of power.

What: The research and recognition committee (RRC), department of economics, University of Mumbai achieves new depths in choosing external examiners for PhD theses. Here is a report in Marathi in today's Loksatta. Thesis of one candidate is sent to an examiner in JNU and university is waiting for the examiner's report for last 6 months. The catch? that particular JNU professor expired 1.5 years back. Another student wrote a thesis under economics department on the topic of "Business Cycle". The RRC chose an expert in "Transportation projects" as the external examiner, presumably because title had word "cycle" in it.

Why its here: The reason is obvious but its also just one example of how the university is working for last 15-20 years. I am sure there will be more examples in near future.

Sharad Rao

How can our great union leader Mr. Sharad Rao keep away from this list?

What: Mr. Sharad Rao wants autorickshaw fares hiked and rollback on the rule of compulsory electronic metres and has called for strike. Initial call was indefinite strike and as of today it is reduced to "one day symbolic strike", citing some alleged assurances from the government. Here is a brief report from Hindustan times.

Why its here: The news item is pretty bland. But some background in those demands will give the real picture. The union is asking for a 30% rise in auto fares. If agreed, it will make autos more expensive than most other transport, even for short distances, AC busses or even taxies will make more economic sense than those autos which are slower, more cramped and a way lot unsafe. Government should simply accept their demand and let them deal with the loss of business they will face as a result. Same is case with the electronic metres. The union tried to claim (and argued all the way till the supreme court) that new electronic metres are equally prone to tampering as the old mechanical metres and hence the additional expense on them is not justified. However, everytime they tried to give deomnstration of "successful tampering" of electronic metres in the court, they failed spectacularly. Yet they still want to stick to their demand, as the old metres give them distinct advantage in fleecing customers.

This Mr. Rao also controls municipal worker's union and bus transport union etc. Last many years, he has evovled a pattern of calling a strike for the most rediculous of demands. Courts have repriminded the unions several times, the ordinary union members have suffered due to his stubborness. But I guess the guy will never grow up. Where are the true followers of great union leaders of the past like comrade Dange, comrade Desai and comrade Randive?

Anarkali

The next one is a nice court case:

What: A latest bollywood song is being dragged in court for its lyrics. Here is a report by Hindustan Times. The lyrics roughly translate as "Anarkali goes to disco, abondoning Salim". Salim is the name of Mughal prince who later became Emporor Jahangir and ruled India. The story of Salim-Anarkali, is a romantic tale like Romeo-Juliet and has been immortalised in a few bollywood movies. The NGO filing the case claims that this amounts to "distortion of history and slander on historical personalities". This may amount to teaching "wrong history to childern".

Why its here: Most historians agree that there is no hard evidence proving authenticity of this romantic tale. Anarkali is most likely a fictional character. So there is no question of distorting history. But more than that, why would someone be upset about a light-hearted song about anything?

Kindergarten Failure

The next one is from my hometown Mumbai.

Just when you thought Right to Education (RTE) will at least ensure decent treatement to all youger kids, here comes a shocker.

What: A school from Tardeo, Mumbai fails three kids in Senior Kindergarten class (thats the class before class 1, for those not familar with Indian Education system). Here is the report in the tabloid Mumbai Mirror.

Why its here: The principal defends her move saying they conducted a comprehensive exam for SEVEN subjects (for Senior KG????) including written and oral exam (:-O) and when the kids failed they also took a re-exam. The kids apperantly failed in that too. The principal claims the kids are "retarded", don't get proper parental attention and in one case, one parent has psychological issues. Apparently, keeping them in the same class will help them build foundations properly. But then what about RTE which says no child should be failed from class 1 to 8? She has the answer ready, they are not in class 1 yet. So we have not done anything illegal.

Forget principal, who the hell made this lady a teacher in the first place? If the children are really mentally deficient, how would keeping them in same class in the ordinary school will help? Shouldn't they be immediately transferred to a special school?

The Cyber Crime

First is obviously the current hottest topic.

What: Ms. Mamta Banarjee, Chief Minister of West Bengal, threw a university professor in jain because he shared on facebook a cartoon about her recent sacking a minister from her own party. The news is carried by almost all news sites. But this one from The Telegraph in Kolkata is the most extensive.

Why its here: Indian Railway Minister who happened to be from her party (she is part of ruling coalition) presented a railway budget with fare hike. The prime minister who has been a career economist, praises it as a fair budget. But Didi (elder sister, as Ms. Banarjee is popularly known), does not like it and forces railway minister to resign. Her replacement nominee promptly roll backs the fare hike. Obviously there are thousands of jokes circulating on internet about the whole saga.

Now this poor professor, who happens to be opposition party sympathiser, forwards one such cartoon to a few people. Next thing he knew, there are Didi's goons at his doorstep beating him blue and forcing a "confesion" (that the cartoon is an opposition conspiracy) out of him. The police arrive at his home after midnight and promptly arrest him. The charges: "intent to insult the modesty of a woman through words and gesture, defamation and dissemination through computer of information that they knew was false but was meant to cause annoyance, inconvenience, criminal intimidation" under cyber crime act. WTF!!! Read the cartoon yourself and decide.

What this blog is all about?

India is a true wonderland. We have some of the best brains in the world. At the same time we have people who make truly bizzare headlines. We read them, we laugh about it and we forget it. This blog will try to archive the most bizzare news items coming out of India. Bizzare not in terms of natural coincidence but items which really show human stupidity.

We have IgNobel awards honouring "the research which cannot and should not be reproduced". USA has Stella awards honouring "opportunists vs. any available deep pocket" kind of cases within US justice system. Razzies honour "worst performances in Hollywood" and Golden Kela does the same for Bollywood. In the same vein, I am trying to celebrate "monumentary acheivements in human stupidity". After these archives, hopefully we can up with quarterly hall of fame, annual hall of fame etc.

If you come across equally bizzare news, you are welcome to send it to me. There are two conditions though. The source of news should be from India and e-link to a credible newspaper / other media is a must to establish authenticity.

Happy reading.

Aniket